There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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