shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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