It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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