Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
