i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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