He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
