I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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