Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
