Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Randomize
