Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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