Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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