I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
