apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
