She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
