I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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