I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
