I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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