My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
