all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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