my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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