Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I know her cup size but not her name....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
