I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize