people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
