i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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