I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
