Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
