Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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