Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
