i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
