Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need a beard to bite.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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