i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
