She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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