I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
