is your mom at the bar?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
