quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
