you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
