just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
