Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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