guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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