I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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