theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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