She's JV to your varsity
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
