My room smells like vodka and shame
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
