What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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