accomplished twins. life is a go
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
