I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
