Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
