I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
