smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
