Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
