so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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