girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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