i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I had to cum in my sink.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
