i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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