watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize