thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
