i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
