He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
