Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
