Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
