he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
