Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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