Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She is in my trunk
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
