Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
