Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
