Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Couch. On fire.
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