The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
