I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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