he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize