I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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