I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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