Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
