dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
