hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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