covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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